Olla!
- click the boxes at the right side for navigation - -
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Today, i went to 逛一逛国大 with a group of PRC students.
That proved to be an experience. To begin with, i came with a bag full of apprehensions. I was trying to figure out, what to say to them, whether i can even operate on the same wavelength as them, and what 'exchange student' was in Chinese.
But surprisingly, it proved a lot better than i expected. I started out giving a consistent warning of my Chinese (“对不起，我的华文真的很烂”）- which really served as a sort of safety net in case of a major booboo - but ended up surprised that i could actually hold meaningful communication with them. It was not so much a Na'vi speaking english to a human as it was a Taiwanese speaking to a Singaporean. Granted there were times i didn't catch what they said, but my and large, i got by. In fact, i could even understand their jokes and banter with them (helped, admittedly, by their being polite and laughing at my supposed banter). And that's cool because if you're able to share a joke with someone in their language, that means the barriers (linguistically, culturally) really aren't that high.
They look no different from Singaporeans too. If they didn't speak, and weren't wearing the quite ungalm red singapore flyer shirts, one wouldn't be able to tell them apart. A few of them actually resembled Singaporeans i knew.
And they are super nice and friendly - i actually found them easier to talk to them some locals. Plus they called us 学长 which was so manga haha. And i got an origami rose thingy which was the most complicated piece of paper i've ever received.
But having said all that, i'm wonder. The reason why i agreed to help (after Shenkiat's BS) was to find out what it means to love others (especially an alien). And yes, today, conversations happened, time was spent in each other's company. But i wonder how deep these relations go, or can go. When i'm the alien, i'm not looking for a slot-machine friend - put the penny (of pity, or alienness) in and get a talking mate for a minute, until the penny runs out. I'm not looking for someone to pass the time, to make me look less sad in front of others, to ask about the weather. I'm looking for a friend to share my life with. And i'm still left unsatisfied. My question's still unanswered i guess... can there really be sharing of lives when you can't talk/click with the other person?
The last experience wasn't great and just left me more confused than ever. But this time round, it was a new experience - a good experience. I'm forced to review all the judgments that i've made about anntic and VCF as a whole. Last year, i grudgingly convinced myself that God could work through many means and forms or teaching/program/worship, but it was only this year that i'm fully convinced.
And for that i really want to thank Jasmine and Gabriel. Their passion for Christ, not theology, really shown through in the workshop that they took. I really appreciate Gabriel for sharing his life and struggles, and more so in genuinely wanting all of us to find Christ, to find the center of peace, to find our shelter in God; this is so much bigger than just a teaching on psalms. Also, it was a cool experience writing my own psalm.
As for Jasmine, her workshop on homosexuality was so cunningly crafted it was a blindsighted attack on all my preconceived notions about what vcf stood for. I was expecting a session on 1) biblical proof that homosexuality is wrong (and you must be a dumbass for not seeing that because its so unequivocally stated) 2) how we should help/convert/change gay people. Instead, she started off with a table setting out the 2 different interpretations (pro v antigay) of bible verses with the conclusion that it may not be so clear after all. What struck me about the rest of her session was the passion and heart she had for gay people, especially gay christians. Her message of understanding and love and her efforts at attempting to show us the struggles of the gay christian was simply genuine. And this thought sticks with me - Jesus associated with the prostitutes and the tax collectors, and denounced those (pharisees) who denounced them. Who are the prostitutes and the tax collectors of today? (i mean, apart from the literal meaning)
Juniors Camp
I thank God for how juniors camp turned out. I'm so thankful that the people who came to camp with all their fears and hesitations left unburdened. I think this was one of the camps where most people (i can't say all) were included and felt a sense of belonging - which is doubly important cause before this there seemed to be a sense of disconnect, perhaps cause of the 2 sunday a mth juniors. And this connection is especially amazing considering we had a huge number of new people, many p5 and 6s, and LS kids whom most people have never seen before (how to spell tedman ah?) Anyhow, this is really one of my biggest camp prayer answered.
I thank God too for the speaker: he could relate well with everyone and again was so genuine in his sharing (i don't know what's up with me and genuineness recently). I believe God used him to speak to people too. Also, i thought the time that the seniors had with the juniors was great. i quote deborah: "when something the speaker said spoke to you, you will be dying to talk to somebody" - so true, and cool. Mebby we shld have this every year.
Finally, thank God for his healing. Precamp day was crap because it was insanely packed with stuff to do (meet someone at amk, watchout for another, worship prac, retreat meeting, precamp meeting...). And then i fell sick from lack of sleep in the middle of the day, such that when we were practicing with emily i was getting giddy and hot all over. So all the symptoms of a full blown fever drawn out over 3 days were incubating in my body. But amazingly, the next day it subsided and i was feeling only slightly sick. And i fully recovered before camp was over, which is ridiculous because camp is a time to not sleep, and pick up a bug.
"I need a Saviour and He’s going to be more real than ever in Marked Camp 09. While camp itself doesn’t bring miracles, the fellowship, the worship, the sermons with Jesus as the focus, at the center, will... I go to camp wanting to see miracles but I want to come back from camp seeing Jesus."
I have no idea who this person is (apart from the fact that he's an NCC member) But reading the post, i'm encouraged. Its awesome that people go to camp with this kind of expectation - with deep hunger and excited anticipation for Jesus, and him alone For a churchbred person, i think a sense of ennui sets in after hitting the age of about 17. By then he would have attended like what more than 10 camps. Admittedly, even for the coming junior camp, i started out with little expectation or excitement for God - its just going to be another camp where we'll play (the same) games, where some guy will talk and words will just pass over my head, where we have to queue to bath in the cold
But no. This camp is not only about the games or the friends or the fun. If i wanted tt i cld join a camp organized by my RC. This camp is an encounter with God. And i pray for that. I pray that Jesus will be lifted up, glorified, made known. I pray that everyone will know God for who he is - a knowledge of God unadulterated by complicated theology, untainted by previous difficulties and mistakes.
And it is my hope that everyone who comes for camp will wait in the same expectation as the anonymous person
I may have read only one of the 3 of my opponent's cases I may have only went through my mooting speech once It might be 4.00 now
But I am totally not worried at all (as compared to the frustration earlier today during coy lecture) The peace of God which surpasses all understanding is guarding my heart, and i stand stolid in the knowledge that tomorrow will be a good day!
Funnily enough, today while i was running ard the empty field, i saw a cloud shaped like the baby makers [refer below] in pixar's partly cloudy, except without the cloud base which they sit on. It was massive and bearded, with hands stretched out in the process of molding a ball of fluff. Which was really cool cause its like seeing animation in real life. It was even more cool in seeing the cloud as daddy God making cute little human babies - making me, in every way perfect. The depth of love and menticulousness that goes into the process is so intimate.
Anyhow, today was a beautiful day. The clouds were fluffy [baby making cloud included], outlined by soft yellow rays of the evening sun. Kites dotted the sky, rapidly beating their wings in the strong breeze. Thanks daddy God!
"If You, LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
But [there is] forgiveness with You, That You may be feared."
Psalms 130:3-4
This is mysteriously beautiful. Instead of exacting punishment, instead of visiting the sins of the fathers to the 10th generation, instead of smiting sinners for every single wrong, that man might stand in obedience and fear of God, no, instead of all those things, what brings fear of God is his forgiveness. It is in God's infinite compassion and agape love, in his choice to remember our sins no more, that fear is instilled.
And i think the nature of this fear is indeed so different from a fear that is derived from the nature of a vengeful God, from the nature of a God that will make bad stuff happen to you to make you fear him. This kind of fear is so much greater, so much more nobel - the fear from complete amazement and awe at God's greatness. And this fear doesn't drive people away or keep people's heads down when they approach God; this fear draws his children, in the full knowledge that they are completely loved and forgiven, that they may come to the throne of grace BOLDLY and seek mercy!
It isn't better to be feared than loved. Its better to be loved - for that produces fear.
I think this is simply another amazing, counter intuitive spiritual truth that rebelles against the wisdom of the world. Very much like the other spiritual principle of giving if you want to recieve [and not hoarding]. God is so amazing in turning men's wisdom over his head.
Thank God and nice VCF seniors for not having to buy any books cause Timo loaned out all his books to me for a year! woooooo! Thats like a significant saving of a few hundred bucks
"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing." -Psalms 34:8-10
Taste and see that the Lord is good. How do you know that God is good? by tasting, then you will see.
It doesn't say listen and see, observe and see, read and see, do bible study and see, pray fervently and see, fast and see - it says Taste! and see that the Lord is good. The act of tasting is a very personal thing, it involves consumption, an impartation, where the food becomes part of you. It involves activating an inner sensation of taste. Likewise, taste of God, consume Him, ask Him to give you a taste of himself, and when God touches you personally, you will have to walk away saying that God is good, all the time.
It says that after you taste, you will see that the Lord is good. You won't leave thinking that perhaps God may be good, or that perhaps God is good and has greater ways and plans which at the moment right now i cannot seem to understand and it seems really bad to me now but never mind i'll still try to trust in him. No, when you taste, you will see that God is clearly, unequivocally, good to you.
If you have lack in your life, "seek the Lord and you shall not lack any good thing". If there's healing needed, or finances, or whatever, seek the Lord. Even the young lions lack - animals who are agile, capable, fierce, go-getting, self-made lions, even they lack things. the solution is not to solve the problem yourself, to grit your teeth and press through. Just rest, seek the Lord, and you shall not lack any good thing.
I never really understood the therapy out of shopping for clothe, or bags or shoes, i've only just begin to realize that what floats my boat better is, strangely, buying tech stuff
I rmb the elation at getting the asus, for example, which still remains a great buy - hasn't crashed or blue screened on me, hasn't been decidedly uncooperative in its operating speed, hasn't been bogged down by crapware.
But more recently [like on wed], i got a pair of alteclansing speakers for a fantastic price of $60 buck [when it was originally going for 90]. To add to the excitment of the buy was the process of engaging in some bargaining with the shop aunty. I'm not the type that usually find the inner strength to do bargaining - i mean, the price says what it says, if you don't want it don't buy ya? Plus anyway, how do you know what's for bargain and what's not? izzn't the normal assumption that everything is non bargainable? should we test the waters on every product by asking the ntuc cashier if she cld charge a lower price? "eh aunty, the tissue...arrhh, can charge 10sen lower orh not ah?" But anyway, ya i managed to get another 6 bucks off the already discounted price to get a net gain of 30 bucks discount. Enhanced retail therapy in the making.
Then i went to buy something else off steam yst night, and its significant cause its my first online game purchase - sam & max season 1!! now ive been eyeing this for sometime, ever since i found out that steam sold it, and was completel surprised at the ease of buying computer games nowadays. Just fill up the credit card details, and you can start dlding the game. walah within 10 min, i have the game on my com, no more going to challenger and browsing its catelouge, no more hyperactive fiddling of the boxed set on the train rereading every word printed on the back, its simply magic now.
Anyhow, i really love those oldie adventure games that ive been playing since sec sch days. There's just a certain endearing affinity to these adventure games that things like counterstrike or left4dead doesn't have. Its almost like reading a comic book and loving the characters. When i hear the monkey island theme song, my toes tingle.
so in memory of times ole, behold sam and max, updated for the new millenium
There's always a gazilliion things i wanna blog abt but after procrastinating/not having the time to do it within the window of a few days, the significance of the event just dissipates along with the desire to scribe it down.
Therefore. I shall blog abt camp NOWnownow
frankly my expectation of camp was really low. Before camp i was telling everyone, [even parents, being driven on the way to camp] how pointless the entire camp is, how ridiculous the idea of suddenly wanting to get the 3 grps together simply to have quiant celebration of the church's 70th anniversary. I did not expect to learn anything, did not expect to have a huge lot of fun, and was not expecting God to do anything at all tru this camp. It really seemed to me that the camp was driven by a very human vision.
and i'm glad that i can say i was proven dead wrong. I perhaps it was becasue i had such low expectations, any good that happened became magnified a hundred fold. But really, i don't belittle the 'good' that i experienced in the camp. It was really damn fun. My grp rocked its socks and everyone was mostly v enthu and got along well with each other. The ppl were lame [metaphorically and literally - refer to facebook pic of wheelchair] and i tot they cld generally connect with each other. In fact, i was pleasently surprised. I think we come into camp with all kinds of preconcieved notions of what 'they' are - the other bunch who talk abt different things, who are filled with enthu type kias tt like to jump ard and make things happen, who speak chinese a lot haha. and really, these impressions and walls just crumbled tru the camp. Was suprirised to find the the CJ side are prob even more angmoh pai then EJ, considering the number of AC kids there.
It was cool that i got to talk to cj ppl like on a more serious level, got to ask them abt their impression of ej ppl - i think the general feel approximates: attased, snobbish, smart, rich, which is also so totally not true la! strange the kind of impression that can be created. i'm glad for the camp tt church has become a friendlier place.
I was also seriously wrong abt not expecting God to move in this camp [its focus was, after all, bonding ya? so what room was there for anything spiritual]. I think lesson learnt, really, don't judge la.
O btw funny event - rachel got the whole camp jumping rnd and rnd to God is moving, which i think is a super big deal. Altho cld see tt a few were uncomfortable, i was completely amazed tt everyone joined in eventually. V funney initially it was a only a few lone individuals [e.g. yingxuan, haha] who were jumping ard but as she did the chours again and again and again more and more ppl started joining in. kudos to her guts.
finally, allow me to say tt i think my precamp attitude was rather selfish and inward looking. I naturally assumed tt everyone else wld love having the camp except the ej ppl cause we're the most outsider of the 3 grps. naturally assumed tt our grief and ennui wld be the greatest, and therefore justified the complains. I was surprised to hear during the sharing on the last day that the other 2 grp's ppl were all not tt excited abt having the combined camp too. I didn't see that they too had to step out of their comfort zone, i didn't see that at least they tried to make the effort to be enthu, to reach out, to make this work, while i was just moping away. Ahhh well, kudos to them too, really appreciate everyone for making this work.
I'm just wondering abt after camp tho, like what 5, 10 yrs into the future. I wld rather not meet someone then have an aquiantence turned cold. Its infinitely more ackward not saying hi to someone you once knew who passed you by than a total stranger. Shld i end up waving hi to the same peson again and again in church with nothing else to say. I think there's a social cost to every hi that is not followed up with small talk. I don't think im very good at the art of keeping friends.
the aim of the game is to avoid giving answers that are wrong and obvious and to get the correct answers to which you score points - but the questions are so difficult that the most the panel can do is to try to give quite interesting answers, which are often wrong.
(spot the difference)
